I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just pee around me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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