you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
