It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
