Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
