Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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