You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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