We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
