How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
