That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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