I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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