Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
