i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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