Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
