i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are two peas in an std pod
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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