his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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