too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize