She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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