the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
