I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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