the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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