I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize