I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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