my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
