I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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