Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
