Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
