she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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