he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
