If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
