Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
