i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
