nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
