I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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