I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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