All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
