Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
