I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize