We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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