I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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