I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
