What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
