Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
