Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
