belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
