You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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