I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
