I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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