i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
