I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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