thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
