don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
