I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
