I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
