you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
