He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
