Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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