so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
