I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
