Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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