shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
