i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
