Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
