Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
