She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
