this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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