There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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