My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
