Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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