Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This is my gift to your gina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
