that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
