remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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