walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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