so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize