And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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