I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
