My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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