Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
