Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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