Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
false alarm, still single
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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