went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
