He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
