I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
