I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
