I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You made out with two different species that night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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