you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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