I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize