Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
