I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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