There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
