I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Me too!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize