I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize