Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
