There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
