someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
