Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
