walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
