She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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