I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
